I have a friend who is currently serving overseas in Iraq. He is a good friend, and he knows that I care about him, and that I pray for him constantly, especially given his current situation. I know that war is hard and that it is bloody and disturbing. I know that his daily situation is more volitile than I have ever experienced in my lifetime. I have a theoretical knowledge of his present situation, but not an experiential one. Every time that I talk to him, I get the feeling that he is attempting to fill the gap between my theoretical knowledge and my experiential knowledge by giving graphic details about different things that happen to him.
In his most recent communication with me, he told me that he got "blown up" in his vehicle. My mental reaction to this was...WHAT!!!! Then how are you writing to me? [[Because of the language he was using, I was envisioning a missile hitting the car and blowing it to pieces including the passengers inside of it...and the picture that my mind was drawing for me did not lend to survivors.]] A myriad of questions filled my mind. Like, what happened? Are you okay? Are you missing limbs? Are you coming home? ...and I had to remind myself that beyond all the questions I was raising, I must remember that I was actually having a conversation with this man, so the worst possibility was not true...
After continuing in the conversation, trying not to overreact, I realized that when he said that he got blown up...what he was really saying is that the vehicle ran over a land mine in which damages were sustained to both the vehicle and the personnel inside the vehicle. By the end of the conversation, I realized that it was not quite as serious as my missile scenario, and an overwhelming sense of relief rushed over me. Even though he was bruised and bleeding, he was able to bandage the wounds of the others involved in this incident. Praise the Lord!
Based on this conversation that I had with my friend, I began to ponder the meaning of words and expressions and the impressions that we leave with people simply by the manner in which we speak, or the words we choose to use, and how we package our delivery.
An important detail that I must remember about my friend's personality is that he belongs to that grand classification of people who react to situations emotionally. I do not believe that it is automatically bad or wrong to react to situations emotionally, as long as your emotions are tempered with reason. In my friend's case, he tends to speak dramatically and overemphasize any issue that he is talking about. For this reason, I feel that I must adjust my reception of the words that he speaks based on this understanding. I cannot accept his words literally when he speaks, I must be sensitive to this preexisting condition in him. To understand this concept will greatly enhance our interaction when talking to him in the future.
Beyond any personal connection to understanding my friend, there are also other aspects that should be taken into consideration. For instance, this opens a much wider door into how my own words affect those people who might be listening (the number is few indeed...I know!). Communication can be a very difficult game to play because of all the variables involved. It is extremely important to take all parties involved into consideration when attempting to communicate. The speaker is not the only one who is connected to the communication process...and neither is the hearer for that matter. There can be a multitude of misconceptions on both sides. Word choice, phraseology, analogy, emphasis, voice inflection, mannerisms, gestures, etc. are all important aspects that go into the communication process. It is not only what you say, but how you say it. How you say something communicates a very specific aspect to those listening to you...and you must always be conscious of this characteristic of communication. Be careful what you say, and how you say it! Make sure that your "hearers" are actually hearing (i.e.. understanding) what you are trying to convey. To do this, you must guard your words and your actions.
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